In our discussion of counseling our friends and family, we have broached the subject of dealing with death. Here are some ways we can help those who are grieving.
When someone dies, there is always unfinished business. Sometimes, it can help the grieving to verbalize that unfinished business and assist them in resolving those uncompleted tasks.
You can also help your friend determine what he or she can do in coping with the loss and what they are lacking. In those areas where they are lacking, you can find help for them or provide the help yourself. When they are doing good, positive things, encourage them in those areas.
If you do your homework, you will know the stages through which someone passes in their grieving. While you can help your family member understand that process, you should not minimize their own experiences nor suggest that their responses are not unique. They might pass through stages in a different order or remain in one stage longer than others. It is, however, important for them to understand that they will be able to cope and to get through their loss.
Be understandable when their grief impacts all areas of their life. It might be hard for them to focus on work or other tasks at hand. That is normal and it, too, will ease with time. Specific dates, like birthdays and anniversaries, and holidays will be different. They should plan to do something special for those days; they might maintain old traditions or alter them but they should know that it will be different.
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Anyone who has had the “spiritual air” sucked out of them through a loss needs to replenish that spiritual air through Bible reading, prayer, worship, fellowship and physical activity. Physical activity, as any athlete will tell you, helps you mentally.
There might be practical, daily tasks that you could help accomplish for a brief period of time. Discourage your family member or friend from making major decisions, such as selling the house, while they are still grieving. Those decisions should be made well after the experienced loss.
Loss brings change. But once they adjust to the change, they will experience a new normal.
Paul Holland
