Grandparents love to “spoil” children. They love to enjoy their grandchildren, giving them things their parents can’t. Then they joke that they can give the kids back to the parents. There is something about children getting special attention and gifts from grandparents that their parents can’t provide. It can, of course, cross the line if Grandma or Grandpa wants to give the kids something against the parents’ wishes.
But when parents give their children everything they want, when parents spoil their own children, serious consequences follow. If a five-year-old is allowed to run wild at home, he will run wild in the church building. If a ten-year-old is allowed to express his anger is loud and destructive ways, he’ll become a 30-year-old who believes the world owes him something. If a 15-year-old is always rescued from the consequences of his poor decisions, he’ll become a 40-year-old who refuses to accept responsibility for his actions.
When we, as parents, spoil our children, it is not an act of love. It is an act of selfishness. We are acting selfish when we refuse to tell our children “no.” It is selfish because we are not telling them “no” because we don’t want them mad at us. We’re afraid they won’t love us if we tell them “no.” We want them to be happy and think that they’ll be happy if we go against common sense. So we give in because we are more interested in protecting our own feelings than guiding our children into a solid, Christ-centered future.
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The best parenting manual is the Bible. The best example on how to be a good parent is God, the Father. Did He always give the children of Israel what they wanted? Did He not frequently tell them “no” and stick with it? God was able to treat them that way because He had a bigger vision in mind for them. Do we have a larger goal in mind for our children? Do we have their future in mind when we discipline them today? James wrote: “let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no” (James 5:12).
–Paul Holland
